Holiday blues..how to teach your kids not to lose YOUR mind when life is crazy!

Holiday blues..how to teach your kids not to  lose YOUR mind when life is crazy!

R.I.P little brother!

Hi blog foster parents! This advice can be shared in your way with your kids.....

After two years I am still missing my brother! The pain gets less but I imagine it will never sink in that he is gone so young! Forgive me for not writing, as I am facing many challenges!
Yes,
it has been a while but life and all its curve balls has been calling me!

I am older and wiser but i still have my days when one error could effect me.
There are days when life can be challenging without family and I want you to know it is NOT your imagination - life is ruff - especially without a family!

Even at my age, I still long for a family. I still hope to be adopted one day-- yes, even over 40!!

 It is a human factor to want to  be loved and to be part of a family unit....this never goes "away"- you only learn to live with  the feeling and talk yourself through it daily! lol....hey if you made it this far without family, you can learn to love you enough and surround yourself around people who love and honor you like family!

On another note
the holidays are hear.
This is the highest times for suicide and loneliness.
*Even people with family who may have had conflict, wish they could be home with love ones*

.... I want you to know that even when you feel lonely and the world is against you God will always be by your side, all you have to do is BELIEVE tomorrow will be better than today!
Faith of a muster seed!
I know some of you may have been in group homes all of your life, some may have been in dysfunctional homes but YOU are the master of your destiny by keeping faith and coming up with an alternative plan! Whatever the plan, failure is not an option, giving up is not on the list!!! God did not design you to "give up"!!!

Don't ever be so discouraged that you don't realize YOU ARE IT! 
Don't ever hurt YOURSELF or ANYONE, life is too short and we ALL have divine purpose, so don't take away another's purpose, they may be the one who saved or changed a life!
 Your the reason the stars shine at night
the reason your brother, 
sister, lover, 
friend, family,
 stranger, 
has a smile on their face. 
You are the reason someone is alive today! 
Don't ever forget your ancestors died to make sure you ENJOY this life NOW, today!!!!
I know the holidays are here and it can be sad if you have no one around, I am lucky to have my two kids. I decided to make the holidays a day to go feed the homeless and then enjoy a nice dinner. This year may be all you can do to get out of your funk--HELP OTHERS...help at a food bank for the day!! Trust me you will feel better and be inspired!


Bills may be piling up, your lover gone, the news may be violent, everyone wants to keep up with the Joneses and no one has faith anymore- but you- YOU are the ONE that will change or save a life!
Stay positive, focused and keep anger out of your life, ask God to give you peace, acceptance, and constant change and growth so that you may be of service to others. You are so wonderful have a blessed week and know God is with you at ALL times, even at your darkest hour - have faith and take action to create change! xo Tanya

save the date May 19th....Fosterkidsunite will be awarding The Robert Cooper Memorial scholarship to kids aging out of foster care! Location: Mt. Kisco/NY time:TBA  all foster kids, former foster kids, community residents and any other who love to help others are invited to join in, more to come!!

Arsenic Found in Popular Juice Brands | Yahoo! Health

what our kids eat is important, if your fruit; grapes, strawberries, apples are not organic....you are exposing them to chemicals that COULD be contributing to bad health

Arsenic Found in Popular Juice Brands | Yahoo! Health

Parents...Oprah said...

Hi blog parents!
I like my own words, but if someone can say it better and clearer, so be it...please view Oprah regularly to get great ways to inspire your foster kids!! Have a wonderful day and thanks for changing a life!!

 Tanya

Photo: George Burns © Harpo Inc.

Many of us think that our power is a tool or a weapon, but, in fact, power is a state of being, the way you see, hold and handle yourself in the world that then determines your experiences. The external world can only respond to the way you hold and handle yourself internally. If you show up as weak, broken, confused and dazed, the world is going to respond to you that way. If you show up as confident, kind, compassionate and loving, then the world is going to respond to you that way.

This is why we have got to understand that you do not have to do anything to have power. That said, there are some surprises when it comes to your power, ones that, if understood, can improve your ability to tap into it:

1. Power is your birthright. Your power goes back to something very simple.

At the highest spiritual level, you are made in the image and the likeness of the creator—whatever you call that creator—the source of life, the source of all things. You are one with that source—the same source that makes trees, tornadoes, sunshine, the ocean, the mountains, people. You have the same capacity, the same inherent light and the ability to create. This is your birthright. You were born with power. No one can take it away.

2. The only thing that can diminish your power is your belief that you do not have it. Repeat this to yourself. Every day.

3. Gold stars do not affirm your power. The way life is designed, we are programmed, conditioned and educated out of our power because we have been programmed, conditioned and educated to please others, to do what others say and to do what others are doing. Here's my classic story: When I went to school, they used to have a board where, if you did your work well, you got a star. There were gold stars, silver stars, green stars, blue stars, red stars. Now, red stars were not good stars. But at least you got a star. Well, when it came to writing, I could never get that little hook on that a. I just couldn't do it. I don't know why. I always got green stars: great effort, just not perfect. It confirmed my belief that I wasn't good enough because I couldn't do what somebody else could. What I know now is that comparing ourselves to others is an act of self-violence, as is living up to the expectation of others or not listening to your gut. These acts are about other people. These acts are all about external validation. Power is you. Power is standing up as your true self.

4. Power is a habit. Everything we do as human beings is a habit. I've heard that it only takes 40 repetitions to install a habit. Most of us have created a habit of being disempowered: We don't ask for this, don't do that, don't say this, don't say that. Instead, we must create a habit that reinforces our personal power. Part of this requires a daily spiritual practice. We nourish our bodies. We nourish our minds. Do we nourish our spirits? The way to remain connected to, conscious of and in alignment with our power is to remain connected to, conscious of and aligned with our source. That can be through mediation, journaling or stillness. We want to empty the mind as often as possible. We want to listen to that still, small voice that's within.

5. Power is most accessible in your worst times, not your best. When your plane crashes and you wake up in the middle of the desert with no food and no water, it doesn't matter how much money you have, how much education you have or how many friends you have. The great philosopher Whitney Houston, whom I love, sings a song: I didn't know my own strength. I crashed down, and I tumbled, but I did not crumble. I never knew my own strength. Very often, when the things that we lean on for strength—the marriage, the money, the image, the name—are gone, that's when we discover our power.

6. It's okay to forget your power. We're all going to have our moments when we get angry, upset, afraid—when we think we just can't do it. But how long do you stay there? How long do you allow the critical voice in your head to condemn you for your choices? How long will you stay in conflict and confusion, or are you able to focus your attention on something greater, grander, bigger, more loving, more powerful? It's about your recovery time. How long do you stay in your humanness before you slip back into your divinity? The ability to make that shift is the sign of being in touch with your power. 

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Iyanla-Vanzant-What-You-Dont-Know-About-the-Power-Youve-Always-Had#ixzz1dW254t8U

Rangel Career Fair: Monday, November 14 at CCNY | Rep. Rangel

Rangel Career Fair: Monday, November 14 at CCNY | Rep. Rangel

17-year-old beats the odds and finds a home | year, amanda, last - Colorado Springs Gazette, CO

It is never too late!

Teach your kids how to become a part of a family and how to utilize friends, collegues and contacts, for support without a family! They will one day have to leave your home, what gift can you give them?

17-year-old beats the odds and finds a home | year, amanda, last - Colorado Springs Gazette, CO

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT!

HI FOSTER AND ADOPTIVE PARENTS!
WHEN IT COMES TO EATING....THINGS I HAVE LEARNED, YOU CAN NEVER KNOW TOO MUCH!

Hi blog family!

It is a gorgeous day outside - I hope you are  going to enjoy it after school or your kids get home! Learning to take care of your body- crucial after foster care! 

Why?

 Well if you lived in a group home - you had lots of food, but i am almost sure it was not the top of the line, meaning, organic.... and if you lived in a foster home, I doubt your foster parents took the time to think about what was dangerous in the cereals you ate. 

Not because they were mean, no one knew better!

 I was blessed my foster mom was a diabetic and I ate like one, (thankfully) avoiding common problems associated with a southern (old school) diet...lard, butter, pork, fried foods, red meat, especially not organic....starches like white rice....(brown rice ok..)

(pasta and rice and other food items turns into suger, if you eat mass amounts of it your body can be thrown off key and perhaps develop diabetes. There are many other factors but I just wanted you to be aware of what you eat!

When shopping I ask myself: "was this food in the garden of eden or the bible? That usually cuts down my bill!! When my kids had to make a choice at home it was yam over potatoe chips, grapes (organic) over hershy's... IF YOU ARE NOW A PARENT, DO BETTER THAN YOUR PARENTS COULD BY HAVING YOUR KIDS EAT HEALTHY!

I am sharing an article i got off of Dr. Mercols's site, (please check it out whenever you can, sign up for the emails, very informative on health news latest!). so these are NOT my words below but i thought if I had to borrow information, it was ok as long as one person walks away thinking healthier! Life is to be enjoyed and you cannot enjoy it if YOUR SICK!!! 

You cannot enjoy all of it...if you DIE EARLY because you chose to eat bad foods... think about your mind and your body - they go togeather... xo

____________________________________________________________________________

How to Avoid Heat-Induced Toxins in Your Diet

Ideally, you should consume foods that are raw or minimally processed to avoid these types of toxic byproducts—the more raw food, the better. My nutrition plan emphasizes the need for at least one-third of your foods to be consumed raw. Personally, I consume about 80 percent of my food raw, and I find it is one of the most important factors that help keep me healthy.

It may take you awhile to switch over to a less processed diet, but throwing out the most obvious culprits would be a great start.

These would include:

• French fries and potato chips
• All sodas (both regular and diet, as artificial sweeteners may be more problematic than fructose)
• Doughnuts

Healthy Eating Made Easy

Aside from creating potentially toxic byproducts, cooking and processing also depletes the food of valuable micronutrients, which is another reason for eating as much raw food as possible. This includes protein sources such as eggs. Raw whole eggs from organic, pastured chickens are an incredible source of high-quality nutrients that many are deficient in. Raw milk is another good example of a food that is beneficial in its raw state but becomes harmful after it is pasteurized.

By opting for foods that will benefit your health, such as raw, preferably organic and/or locally-grown vegetables, organic grass-fed meats, healthy oils, raw dairy, nuts and seeds, you can change your health for the better. These are the foods that are truly natural, and quite easy to prepare once you get the hang of it.

For a step-by-step guide to make the transition to a healthier diet as simple and smooth as possible, simply follow the advice in my optimized nutrition plan.

Remember, eating fresh whole foods is the "secret" to getting healthier, losing weight and really enjoying your food. It's unfortunate that so many are under the mistaken belief that it's "next to impossible" to create a meal without processed foods. Bruce Weinstein and Mark Scarbrough tackle this issue head-on in their book Real Food Has Curves, which is a great starting point to "relearn" the basics of how to enjoy and prepare real food.

Once you get used to it, you'll find you can whip up a healthful meal from scratch in the same amount of time it would have taken you to drive down the street to pick up fast food. The main difference will be greater satisfaction, both physically and mentally, and perhaps even financially, as processed foods typically end up being more expensive than cooking from scratch.

Wolfram Publications: Keep Wall Street Occupied #OccupyWallStreet

Wolfram Publications: Keep Wall Street Occupied #OccupyWallStreet: A fast, easy, free, and non-violent way to drive the big banks out of their greedy little minds is sitting in your mailbox right now. You ju...

teaching your kids to refocus

Hi blog family!

So glad to have our power back on in my town!! I know their are often times when we want to "black out" and forget about all the negative that has happenend as well as all the work we must continue daily JUST to survive!!! 

I encourage you today to get your head back in the game! Life throws us ALL curves, its how u catch them that matter! Yes it would be nice to have the best mit for catching but sometimes you only have your bare hands, and while it will sting to catch a flying ball.....it can be done!

If you survived foster care half your battle is over, the other half is "plugging back in" to life...after being out of it so long!  

How do you do this?

1. stay focused on YOUR goals and what it takes to achieve them; IE more schooling, contacts, $..

2. know YOUR moral code; what do YOU live by? does it include integrity and honor?

3. learn to enjoy silence! it will be your best friend AND help you follow your "instinct" in any situation! go to a Quaker meeting house in your area at 11am...learn to sit in silence for 45 minutes, listening to what God or the Universe has to tell you...we are usually TOO busy talking and responding to hear anything!!

4. Love yourself enough to be proud you made it thru and while this won't be your last test...You know you are made to be a winner!!! don't let your experience in foster care harden you or make you angry, learn to help others in foster care. You have some gift waiting to be shared with others in care...start a journal, mentor to a foster kid, give them a job or internship, teach them how to make jewelry or write a book....SHARE what you know and how you make it thru!!! 

Remember: we are all here to SAVE or CHANGE a life!!! smile, someone is watching you and you may help them have a great day just by smiling!!! xo Tanya

I THINK THEY CAN MAKE IT, ADVICE TO GIVE THE KIDS

Hi blog family!

When times are ruff, and you will be challenged, hold your head high, breath and know that ...this to shall pass!

Whatever you are going thru is NEVER that bad, it aint over until the last breath, so live life with joy, even when times are ruff, smile at everyone, even when they don't deserve one, say something kind, you may save or change a life! xo

You are loved and needed!! xo

Tanya

FOR ALL MY RUSSIAN ORPHANS AND THOSE WHO WERE IN FOSTER CARE......

Я думаю, что мы можем сделать это Привет семья blog! Когда времена - ерш, и Вам будут бросать вызов, держать вашу голову высоко, дыхание и знать, что ... это к должно пройти! Независимо от того, что Вы идете через, НИКОГДА НЕ то, что плохо, это aint, законченный до последнего дыхания, так живут жизнью от радости, даже когда времена - ерш, улыбнитесь каждому, даже когда они не заслуживают один, говорят кое-что вид, Вы можете спасти или изменить жизнь! xo Вы любимы и нуждавшийся!! xo Танья

Forever Families Through Adoption, Inc. | Who We Are

Forever Families Through Adoption, Inc. | Who We Are

looking for you while in foster care!

Hi blog foster parents I did nor personalize but you can share this with your foster kids as young as they can understand, start teaching them to be there own hero's, you may not be in there life forever, it is WHAT lessons you teach that will sustain them in hard times! thanks for all of your hard work and sharing your home!!

hope everyone is settled into school schedules! Stay focused on you and your kids, they are the future! 

Topic for the day:

  looking for you!!!

After leaving foster care do you feel you are always looking for help or someone to "change or save your day? 

Don't sweat it,  allot of people right now appear to be looking for a "savior or Hero" ....unfortunately.....only YOU can save YOURSELF!!

I had a friend that said she wants a boyfriend that can "help" her financially and mentally, she said she is tired of "being alone"...NOT me, I love MY time!! When the right mate comes along, I will know!! I am not sitting around waiting!

NEWS FLASH!!!

learn to love YOU, enjoy YOU, spend time with YOU and ENJOY IT!!!

If you just broke up with someone or have not had a date in a while....why can't you do something "proactive" when you feel this loneliness?

Go bowling, 

walking,

 take a trip,

 go out with your girls or boys?? 

There is no reason you should be waiting for SOMEONE else to "save your day!! Prince charming is on vacation and Cinderella lost her shoe again!!!

When you grow up in foster care it is hard to learn to enjoy anything (because it may be taken away), must less you! I understand this BUT.....remember you are trying to live a quality life after foster care, this requires hard work, mentally and physically.

 Mentally you will always have to challenge yourself NOT to think like a foster kid; anxious, Nervous or worried about what's next...those days of wondering what will happen next.... are over,  (you can lol)...

your life is on YOU now and that is good when you know how to please YOU!! 

Learn to take chances, get new friends that are DOER"S in life....not people who stand by and watch life pass them by!

Find a job that you can move up in....even if it means McDonald and working your way up to manager!!

Look for things new to do you were never able to do: take a vacation to Paris or California...whatever is thousands of miles away from the only place you know!

Get a book that tells you how to improve your life;; Anthony Robbins, The secret by Rhonda Byrne, Napoleon Hill...anything that helps improve you!!

I challenge you to start enjoying life NOW, don't wait till you get to "Heaven"...this is Heaven here on earth and YOU deserve ALL it has to offer but you must GO AFTER IT. 

Look for yourself, get to know YOU; 

what you like, what you CAN do NOW. Access what you need to change in YOUR life to be a better person...

Stop looking for others to "make your day", no man, woman or child will save you and make your life better, only YOU will!!

You are divine and should be doing the best, eating the best, living the best life and educating your mind enough to share what you do know with others in foster care! 

Best thing I learned about myself after foster care: 

You are your best and own Hero, go save your day!! 

You are blessed and loved,

xo

Tanya

back to school

Summer End

Hi blog family!

I am back! Power is restored and so am I!!!
I hope this has been a wonderful summer for all of you!
School is about to be back in session! This is good, keeps the kids busy with a goal...of finishing!! lol..
two thoughts today:

 If you are a foster parent, ask yourself, what am I doing today, to make  a better life for my kid this year? If they leave, have I given them some tools to deal with life?

 If you have kids challenge them to always ask this question monthly, it is the only way to NOT become comfortable with  where you are at as a person in life. 

You always want them to do better, be stronger, live longer and wiser than yesterday and you DON"T want them to make the mistakes their parents made! (for those who were placed in foster care due to parents neglect, abuse abandonment etc..)

 We are trying to build a stronger next generation!
The greatest minds are ALWAYS growing, learning, thinking and Listening to advice that can help them become better people inside and out!
See what you or your kids may need to have a better year: find new positive friends, learn to accept motherly/friendly hugs, learn to think positive, learn NOT to worry, eat to live, play family games to bond, start working out by walking, read more books, practice learning a language on youtube, sign up for peace or job corp to get out and travel and meet new people?
There are many things we all can be doing daily to stay learning. 

 life is a lesson and learning helps you grow as a person.
If your kid grew up in a group home without family structure, help them retrain the brain to do things different -  IF the old training did not work.. (if they learned to "yell", fight, ignore, steal to eat, lie (to help a sick parent)....
GETTING RID OF OLD DEFENSE MECHANISMS WE USED TO AVOID PAIN
for example moving around from place to place you may be GREAT at meeting people and adjusting to different homes, BUT you are able to drop people TOO easy...(an argument with a friend, instead of calling them you could wait forever and be fine with that--that was ok when you had to move around, I think its a defence mechanism we build up so that we wont be hurt someone is leaving again...
BUT in a good relationship (mate or friend) there will be awkward days and IF that friend or mate is worth it, you must take the step and repair it, or you will lose the friend or mate... We must re-learn how to get close to others, not be distant and trust that if they leave, life moves forward and its ok!!

In the end foster kids that lived mostly in group homes need to understand the dynamics of family life, how each member helps each other, how all the family work together", in the group home they learned to work alone and for self survival, doing whatever necessary to survive, now they must learn opposite so be patient, carefrontational and give lots of hugs and love!!

Have a great year teaching our future kings and queens!!

oxo Tanya

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: down but not out

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: down but not out: hey blog family! I have no power so i will be back by the end of the week.-i am at McDoalds charging my phone and computer...great place t...

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: down but not out

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: down but not out: hey blog family! I have no power so i will be back by the end of the week.-i am at McDoalds charging my phone and computer...great place t...

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: group home vs foster home life..are you ready?

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: group home vs foster home life..are you ready?: Hi blog family! I am blessed to live and see another day-especially after all this evacuating saturday for sunday's storm...lol...(i think...

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: abusive relationships

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: abusive relationships: Hi blog family! I saw that a young lady was gunned down by her baby's father yesterday and thought i should go over relationships-one more...

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: Negative people, places and things

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: Negative people, places and things: Hi blog family! I will be short today. Have you experience people that ALWAYS have something negative to say? Are you a person that ALW...

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: wishing for a family years after care?

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: wishing for a family years after care?: Hi blog family! La mia Famiglia! my family! Meine famille! ma famille! mijn famille!mnha familia!MOR cembeR! Since my brothers death, the...

Salute to all foster and adoptive parents

SPECIAL THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE FOSTER OR ADOPTED KIDS, YOUR WORK IS NOTED AND APPRECIATED!! XO TANYA

“A PIECE OF MY STORY” by Tanya Cooper

August 13, 2011

No part is to be reprinted without permission from the author

I’d like to thank all of you, 

for allowing me to share in your celebration of foster and adoptive parents.

 I know all to well the impact a great foster parent can have on a child not only reaching independence - that part is easy, just turning 21 gives you independent status- The real test is once your kids are on their your own: knowing how to navigate life when storms come and how to enjoy life- even in the middle of a storm! 

I will share a piece of my story with you and a brief memory of one of the best days of my life! The 1st day i meet my foster mother! 

I remember a policeman and a CPS worker knocking on our door when i was 5 yrs. old. I vaguely remember being moved around to a couple of different group homes in NYC.

My memory starts to become clear when my case got transferred to Westchester County in  the early 1970’s. My mother was a heroin addict and alcoholic, who often lost track of time: hours, days, weeks, months would pass! 

My sister became our mother when she was 5 years old! When we had no lights or food, my sister would comfort us and find a loaf of bread. One time, she snuck us out of the apt to get fresh air, I fell off a swing and needed stitches under my eye, she had someone call the ambulance, while she had her street friends find my mother first, so that no one would know we were outside alone. 

When we needed a hug because we missed mommy, my she would wrap her loving arms around us, until we forgot about mom not being home.

when a curtain caught on fire - because my  brother discovered matches, my sister put the fire out! 

When my brother Rob and I had chicken pox- it was my sister rubbing calamine lotion on us!

 There were many times we should have been in a foster home or could have starved to death, but by the grace of God - we were always protected from harm.

We would see our mother every now and then but eventually due to her addiction- she stopped showing up - my sister also got tired of playing mommy around 8 yrs. old.  

She knew she could love us but she could no longer  keep us feed and safe! Cps was called in and my mother  would later lose her rights, her 4 kids and her battle with addiction! I am grateful to her for knowing she did not have the tools to care for us. It was my foster mother that made me understand, sometimes, your parents are only a vehicle to get you here- 

My memory becomes very clear when I think of the 1st time I meet my foster mother- who was a widow with one adopted son and 2 foster boys at the time she got

my brother and I -  BUT later would meet and marry my favorite man, my foster father!

 I was 7 years old and It was the 1970‘s - We were living at a large group home facility and it was a special day because foster parents would come visit and choose a child to take home-now that style is outdated but i share this story for a reason. 

I was in the gym with many other kids running & playing. I remember I was with my sister and my brother Rob. 

Everyone was playing, laughing, running but me! I was excited that someone may “choose” me to go to a real home! I wore a pretty yellow dress that was way to small because that was all that could be found for me.  Even though it was not my size, it was the 1st dress I owned!! 

I was able to to be grateful very early because I knew previously, I wore the same clothes for months, 

  I thought hard that day in the gym while I waited to find a new home. 

because I had moved around to a few of different places, I knew then, I did not like this “group home life, accept for the fact that; there was always food and i was with my siblings.  

In the group home the kids appeared to run  reckless, a lot of them seemed angry and there was no structure or anyone to give me a hug or guidance. 

As i stood in the gym that summer day, I noticed my baby brother running, smiling and checking back with me every few minutes. 

My sister was in eye sight with her new friends. My brother  Rob ran over and looked up at me and said: “Sis - you think we’ll find a home?” I said: “yes,, and I am not going unless you and T come- keep smiling, maybe someone will notice us” My baby brother had an infectious smile, so I knew if anyone walked in that we” liked, and they saw him, we would have a home!

 I remember the sun literally shinning on me when a beautiful woman, well dressed walked in the gym! My brother Rob came over and gave me a look that said: “she’s the one”.

I don’t know how i knew, but i knew that was going to be my new mommy! She walked past all the kids, straight to Rob and and I, she looked down with a smile and said: “why look at you with your beautiful auburn afro- your about the prettiest little girl i have seen and I want a daughter- would you want to live with me?” I remember she smelled so good, (I would later find out Chanel #5) she had on the nicest clothes I ever saw!

BUT- I wasn’t going without T and Rob. I said to her: “I can’t go, unless you bring my sister and brothers”! 

My sister came around us; observing, listening, contemplating, using her street smart skills to decide if this woman was worth us being separated!

I was excited but scared- they warned us most people like babies, they will not take 2 kids, must less 4! We couldn’t leave baby mark! 

My sister called us over then the worker called my sister over to speak private- they always talked to her first. It was because of her street smarts we had not starved to death! 

So we did not do anything in the group home, without her approval!

 Waiting for an answer, my soon to be foster mother started telling me about her “big House” and how I would have my very own room! BUT she also said: she could only take two of us and that my sister and baby Mark could visit anytime!  I told her”no thanks” but then my sister stepped in and with a sad but convincing face said: Tanya, listen, you and Rob need a home, I will be alright, i promise I will come and see you”. While I was sad to leave my sister behind, i knew i wasn’t cut out for group home life. I was excited Rob and I now had a home and a new mommy!!

I share this story  because I am grateful to all the foster parents who share their home, their family and there time!

Raising someone else's children after neglect, abuse or abandonment is a challenge and you all here today that take the time to invest in our foster children deserve to be honored! Not just for “taking a kid”- anyone can do that- but for nurturing them back to mental and physical health, for unconditional love with hugs and providing constant words of encouragement-even when you were told they had a disability!

My life would not be the same had my foster mother not listened to her inner voice, that told her, yes, you have 3 kids but 2 more needs extra love!!

I know it was no easy task loving an angry teen but my foster mother knew I was hurt that my birth mom never came back for us. She knew because she had lost both of her parents when she was young, being raised by her grandfather! So when I rebelled and acted out as a teen for many reasons, she put on what I call “mom repellent” and challenged me to excel!!

When the doctors tried to give me a title of learning challenges and ADD, ADHD, my foster mother insisted i stay focused and channel my energy with: sports, singing in the church choir, dancing, ballet, camp, after-school activities - so that I would not become bored! Thanks to my patient, loving foster mother, I eventually got new letters - My B.A.S. from N.Y.U!!

I learned from my foster mother that a foster parent is “called” into this field for the love of helping others- even if its temporary you can have an impact! 

This is not a job you do “just for a check” because all kids will make you work for every penny!

A foster parent has a vision a goal for their child. They are able to meet the child where they are at, because their parenting instincts tell them: when their child; “IS” or IS NOT”, ABLE”, ON POINT or IN TROUBLE!”

I am here today, living proof that foster care does work if a child gets the right home- a home that teaches them, like my foster mother taught me, “I am responsible for my future and can never feel sorry for myself or lose faith in hard times!

 My mother held us to high standards and she had many requirements. 

We were blessed to have 6 tv’s in our house, but you could only watch certain shows - on one tv - together as a family and you HAD to read books and newspapers daily in order to watch a tv show in my house! 

One of my birth brothers was dyslexic but my mom did not care, she made him read and write every morning and afternoon! 

I became the best speller because when i got a word wrong, she made me rewrite it 10 times!! My mother never allowed  excuses for failure. There was no such thing as “you can’t” or “I give up” and the only title you had in her home was “my  child”!

In conclusion:

when I aged out at 21, I had good times and hard times but I always bounced back because of the values and faith my foster parents taught me!

 i am so grateful my parents insisted on the basics, I learned patience and that not everything happens or comes together, without , a vision, a written plan, hard work and thought!!

most importantly, my parents took the time to find out what each of  our God given talents and purpose were,  she told us daily: “We all have divine purpose”: My foster parents believed kids with alot of energy should be busy with ; dancing, drawing, singing, inventing things, writing stories, listening, talking, -

 your foster child has a special gift or talent that was given to them  - it is crucial you find out what “IT” is, and focus their energy on that”! 

  through  my gifts of speaking, i have been able to help children labeled with ADD- ADHD and behavior problems focus their energy and reach their potential!  -  By the way- all those other titles we label kids with; its just UNFOCUSED energy! It can be channelled to do good-  thanks to my foster parents, I am living proof! 

Thank you!

Westchester County Saving Tax Dollars by Teaming Up With 2-1-1

Hi blog parents! If you are ever in need of information regarding services in Westchester County, please read this. Information is key to surviving anything!

Westchester County Saving Tax Dollars by Teaming Up With 2-1-1

allowing kids to trust

Hi parents!!

I hope your kids are enjoying the end of the summer! Museums, biking, hiking, boating, art, whatever keeps them busy and introduces them to new people, places and things..
Wanted to touch on relationships today.
Remember if your kid came from a home where they were left..aka abandoned...please address this issue one on one and then IF you can with the family, letting them know that each of you will be around and that not everyone leaves for good.
If your kid is temporary, that is fine, you can still teach them to enjoy WHEREVER they are at and appreciate the time they have with whatever family they are with.
Let them know (if possible) they can keep in touch with IM, FB, SKype (secret account just for you with agency approval of course):) 
 I think it would be less difficult and stressful for teens, if there are ways to keep in touch, even after a kid is gone.
It helped me alot to know I had an option of calling or going home IF I needed a check in place, I still keep in touch with my friends since my 2nd foster home when I was 7!
My foster mother taught me to build lasting relationships because she knew, she would not always be here-and she was right!! Knowing how to have healthy relationships is vital for foster kids, even if they leave the town they may do like I did and go back, having built good relations-they can find jobs, give back to that community..so many possiblities!!
 Teach your kids that not all people leave and it is the relationships they build now--no matter how many times they move--that matter!!
With all the new technology, fb, IM, skype, etc... there is no reason a kid cannot keep in touch with someone they really like in a healthy way... just monitor the situation and teach them how to keep relationships near or far!!

have a great Friday and you are blessed for doing the work you do, thank you for caring for our children!!xo Tanya

Man Found Guilty Of Raping Girl - New Hampshire News Story - WMUR New Hampshire

Man Found Guilty Of Raping Girl - New Hampshire News Story - WMUR New Hampshire

never trust your kids to anyone- even in the church, i know of many cases like this!! Teach them to Tell, Tell, Tell and never to be ashamed!! It is the only way to avoid being a victim and If they were it is the only way to heal, honesty and talk without judgment or parents who don't believe them or try to cover it up!!

Have a great day! I don't like sharing bad info but this is not to be covered up, beleive me if they are coming from a home with drugs or neglect and abuse, they may have knowledge of this subject anyway...you stay in control by letting them know they can talk to you and that you will advocate for them, not a church or bad family member/friend!! and please be careful WHO you leave to babysit, woman and men can be perverts...I know plenty of men who was abused by there "moms" best friend, while they babysat!! sad part is...none of the parents know what there friends did 30 years later.....and those boys are now men who drink way too much and don't trust much...can u blame them...

What is Your gift?

Hi blog foster & adoptive parents!!

When it comes to the mind of our children, we start early instilling positive affirmations and dreams so that they donot get scared of facing their gifts and talent and they donot take them for granite!

I found a quote that went with my theme today... 

this quote is by: Stacey A. Maxwell-Krockenberger

What brings you pure joy? 


What do you look forward too? 


Your Purpose is usually hidden in your creative talents & doing


 the things that make you truly happy. 


For those who still may not know what that is; do something


 different today that you've always wanted to do or love to do. 


If it ignites all of your senses and brings laughter chances are 


your purpose could be within it! What are you effortlessly good


 at?


this is a great thought to ask your kids  today:  Have them write it out or by now if


 your kid has been with you more than 6 months - to one year, you should have 


already seen 


what talents or gifts they bring to this world...something they do better than any 


other kid...and you did not show them!!


mother's are usually the first to spot



it!! nurture it...and do everything to make that talent become a money 


maker...(ie..sports, singing, writing, dancing etc....)...find out what your child's God 


given


talents are, it should be effortless for them, while others have to


 practice for years...singing, dancing, writing, 


art...numbers...building....most celebs became just that 


because they followed their 1st love....Bill gates, Oprah, 


Forbes, Edris Elbis, Haley Barry...they are no "accidents" they


 worked hard and followed dreams...and with help, support and love of a foster 


parent....they  can too!! * their dream, not your wish or dream... if you are not doing


 what you were born to do, (and 80% of the world is not)....you become misarable 


and project that on others...look at all the mean bosses!! I believe the "Rich" are 


rich and in the 8% because they are doing what they love...(no matter how evil or


 how they may have obtained it- they are doing what they love...why should foster 


kids miss out on life and settle" for whatever is handed to them?? Teach them,


 without being greedy or evil, how to want and expect more from life and money


 does buy comfort and the fact that you can really ENJOY life if you have money 


and follow your dreams!!



life is more fun...when your doing what u love!!! You are 


special and divine for loving someone elses child, you will be blessed beyond 


measure!!


xo


Tanya

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: The book is ready on createspace!!

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: The book is ready on createspace!!: "Hi blog family! SURVIVING FOSTER CARE AND MAKING IT WORK FOR YOU ! click link to book or purchase at: www.createspace.com/3587372 ..."

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: knowing u have divine purpose

knowing u have divine purpose

Hi blog family!! Don't be startled!

I decided to do a makeover ..just for fun, i like me the way i am and only wear makeup for tv...but i was thinking  maybe we should all do a mental makeover!! :)

I am saddend every time i hear of a young person, like Amy Winehouse dying. Why? because it does not matter how she went, she is gone and we have lost a person who may have been caught up in addiction BUT her voice was her tool that God/the universe allowed her to use to heal our pain.
We all have divine purpose; homeless, addicts, old, young, at some point, you touched someone's life! This is not to say your life has to be good it could be in pure chaos but if Most of us think back, we have effected somene sometime somewhere!!

Know that you have divine purpose and you are needed by the universe.
Without each and everyone of you, something may NOT get done today.
Without you Something MAY get done today, that was not  intended..
.think of how you help others,
how you love others, how you have hurt or changed others, at the end of the day when we die, ask yourself: what have I done, to change the world, starting with me.....it is never too late to change....

you are loved, divine and special have a lovely night xo

Tanya