back to school

Summer End

Hi blog family!

I am back! Power is restored and so am I!!!
I hope this has been a wonderful summer for all of you!
School is about to be back in session! This is good, keeps the kids busy with a goal...of finishing!! lol..
two thoughts today:

 If you are a foster parent, ask yourself, what am I doing today, to make  a better life for my kid this year? If they leave, have I given them some tools to deal with life?

 If you have kids challenge them to always ask this question monthly, it is the only way to NOT become comfortable with  where you are at as a person in life. 

You always want them to do better, be stronger, live longer and wiser than yesterday and you DON"T want them to make the mistakes their parents made! (for those who were placed in foster care due to parents neglect, abuse abandonment etc..)

 We are trying to build a stronger next generation!
The greatest minds are ALWAYS growing, learning, thinking and Listening to advice that can help them become better people inside and out!
See what you or your kids may need to have a better year: find new positive friends, learn to accept motherly/friendly hugs, learn to think positive, learn NOT to worry, eat to live, play family games to bond, start working out by walking, read more books, practice learning a language on youtube, sign up for peace or job corp to get out and travel and meet new people?
There are many things we all can be doing daily to stay learning. 

 life is a lesson and learning helps you grow as a person.
If your kid grew up in a group home without family structure, help them retrain the brain to do things different -  IF the old training did not work.. (if they learned to "yell", fight, ignore, steal to eat, lie (to help a sick parent)....
GETTING RID OF OLD DEFENSE MECHANISMS WE USED TO AVOID PAIN
for example moving around from place to place you may be GREAT at meeting people and adjusting to different homes, BUT you are able to drop people TOO easy...(an argument with a friend, instead of calling them you could wait forever and be fine with that--that was ok when you had to move around, I think its a defence mechanism we build up so that we wont be hurt someone is leaving again...
BUT in a good relationship (mate or friend) there will be awkward days and IF that friend or mate is worth it, you must take the step and repair it, or you will lose the friend or mate... We must re-learn how to get close to others, not be distant and trust that if they leave, life moves forward and its ok!!

In the end foster kids that lived mostly in group homes need to understand the dynamics of family life, how each member helps each other, how all the family work together", in the group home they learned to work alone and for self survival, doing whatever necessary to survive, now they must learn opposite so be patient, carefrontational and give lots of hugs and love!!

Have a great year teaching our future kings and queens!!

oxo Tanya

allowing kids to trust

Hi parents!!

I hope your kids are enjoying the end of the summer! Museums, biking, hiking, boating, art, whatever keeps them busy and introduces them to new people, places and things..
Wanted to touch on relationships today.
Remember if your kid came from a home where they were left..aka abandoned...please address this issue one on one and then IF you can with the family, letting them know that each of you will be around and that not everyone leaves for good.
If your kid is temporary, that is fine, you can still teach them to enjoy WHEREVER they are at and appreciate the time they have with whatever family they are with.
Let them know (if possible) they can keep in touch with IM, FB, SKype (secret account just for you with agency approval of course):) 
 I think it would be less difficult and stressful for teens, if there are ways to keep in touch, even after a kid is gone.
It helped me alot to know I had an option of calling or going home IF I needed a check in place, I still keep in touch with my friends since my 2nd foster home when I was 7!
My foster mother taught me to build lasting relationships because she knew, she would not always be here-and she was right!! Knowing how to have healthy relationships is vital for foster kids, even if they leave the town they may do like I did and go back, having built good relations-they can find jobs, give back to that community..so many possiblities!!
 Teach your kids that not all people leave and it is the relationships they build now--no matter how many times they move--that matter!!
With all the new technology, fb, IM, skype, etc... there is no reason a kid cannot keep in touch with someone they really like in a healthy way... just monitor the situation and teach them how to keep relationships near or far!!

have a great Friday and you are blessed for doing the work you do, thank you for caring for our children!!xo Tanya

What is Your gift?

Hi blog foster & adoptive parents!!

When it comes to the mind of our children, we start early instilling positive affirmations and dreams so that they donot get scared of facing their gifts and talent and they donot take them for granite!

I found a quote that went with my theme today... 

this quote is by: Stacey A. Maxwell-Krockenberger

What brings you pure joy? 


What do you look forward too? 


Your Purpose is usually hidden in your creative talents & doing


 the things that make you truly happy. 


For those who still may not know what that is; do something


 different today that you've always wanted to do or love to do. 


If it ignites all of your senses and brings laughter chances are 


your purpose could be within it! What are you effortlessly good


 at?


this is a great thought to ask your kids  today:  Have them write it out or by now if


 your kid has been with you more than 6 months - to one year, you should have 


already seen 


what talents or gifts they bring to this world...something they do better than any 


other kid...and you did not show them!!


mother's are usually the first to spot



it!! nurture it...and do everything to make that talent become a money 


maker...(ie..sports, singing, writing, dancing etc....)...find out what your child's God 


given


talents are, it should be effortless for them, while others have to


 practice for years...singing, dancing, writing, 


art...numbers...building....most celebs became just that 


because they followed their 1st love....Bill gates, Oprah, 


Forbes, Edris Elbis, Haley Barry...they are no "accidents" they


 worked hard and followed dreams...and with help, support and love of a foster 


parent....they  can too!! * their dream, not your wish or dream... if you are not doing


 what you were born to do, (and 80% of the world is not)....you become misarable 


and project that on others...look at all the mean bosses!! I believe the "Rich" are 


rich and in the 8% because they are doing what they love...(no matter how evil or


 how they may have obtained it- they are doing what they love...why should foster 


kids miss out on life and settle" for whatever is handed to them?? Teach them,


 without being greedy or evil, how to want and expect more from life and money


 does buy comfort and the fact that you can really ENJOY life if you have money 


and follow your dreams!!



life is more fun...when your doing what u love!!! You are 


special and divine for loving someone elses child, you will be blessed beyond 


measure!!


xo


Tanya

teaching family values

Hi!

family values... remember when your child came from a group home setting OR a chaotic home....they may NOT know family values!
It will take about 3-12 months to see results, BUT it is worth it!! Kids can learn ANYTHING you teach them with love, compassion and conviction! Set the rules, allow for a few errors, explaining why something is  or is not ok...and relax, eventually your lessons will kick in.
You must set ground rules for safety and comfort when kids arrive...yes, you want them to get comfortable and "check out" your new home BUT explaining with LOVE why you have certain rules is helpful and they must understand rules to make it in this confusing world.
Foster kids are extremely smart, they have to be to make up for no parent telling them or loving them....treat them with love, kindness, compassion AND as Dr. Harris Straytner said" with CAREfrontational" approach....not confrontational!! They are human beings trying to make it in a world that let them down as soon as mommy walked away, died, whatever reason does not matter, if she is not coming back, all they know is abandonment. Please help them find comfort and unconditional love, I promise it will be the biggest blessing of your life, if done right!! xo Tanya
did you know you can call a new # to become a foster parent in Westchester County....? more to come next week...
feel free to post any questions!!
You are the greatest blessing in a foster childs life, please smile, they will love you and model after you!!