Hi blog Parents!

DOES THE APPLE FALL FAR FROM THE TREE? CAN WE RAISE RESPONSIBLE ADULTS AFTER TRAUMA AND ABANDONMENT?

I saw a story on the parents of one of the Columbine Killers - Very sad that the person writing a book about parents of killers, thinks they had nothing to do with it and that the Apple can fall far from the tree".....
If you want to raise strong, healthy happy kids...parenting IS very important! Not only a clean, decent place to live, community safety, love, care, lessons of life and talking daily so that you can pre-dict anger, suicide or homicide....but keeping your kids away from abusive (verbal or physical), spouses, family members...keeping them away from perverts, not allowing YOUR own OCD's to interfere so bad that they develop their own form. Knowing when your kid is being bullied OR that they are the type that can be bullied!! You have to know your kid and if you are just getting your foster child or just adopted a kid from another country or who is older...you must start RECONDITIONING your child's brain from ALL negative past events...HOW?? Therapy should be #1..find a therapist who is known for their breakthrough work!
2. PATIENCE....they cant change overnight, my mom got me at 7 years old...she had major patience, love and understanding and would AND she never judged me, just loved me until I was able to figure out the right way for me" (not her)....
3. Remember your job as a parent is to raise responsible, loving, healthy people who GIVE back to society and NOT Rob it of all its resources!!
4. Every day is a new day to start over...kids learn a new habit in 30 days, teach them well, and your work will pay off when they are adults who know how to maintain a healthy career and live life to the fullest...when they are around 30...you will see your fruits of labor..hopefully...they have never hurt anyone, been violent, jail for criminal/homicidal reasons..and hopefully they have spread what you taught them to a few strangers along the way... Teach them to pay it forward"....this is what life really is about in my opinion...
SO IN THE END THE APPLE DOES NOT FALL FAR FROM THE TREE BUT SOMETIMES IT LANDS NEAR ANOTHER TREE....LOL...REMEMBER: " OUR PARENTS ARE SOMETIMES ONLY A VEHICLE TO GET US HER, SOMETIMES LIKE IN OUR CASE, SOMEONE ELSE HAS TO BE A "PARENT"!

Have a great day, know that your work is important and NEEDED!! Thank you for loving someone Else's kids, the world has a chance to be a better place because of you!!!

Tanya

Hi blog family!

Thanksgiving is approaching! Share your home for the holiday" if you can with another former foster child or a kid from the group home (that you know) that has NO family to go to on the holiday! I am trying to enact a place every year for kids in my area to go. 

Remember Holidays are a high time for suicide! No one wants to be alone or be reminded that they have no family. I struggle with this daily. It has been hard because before I was sexually abused by my two foster brothers, (one deceased and one out of jail after serving 7 years for molesting a student and his niece..) We use to have great dinners together as family, holidays were fun BUT I was robbed of that and can never go and have dinner or be "social" with the one that is alive....because I value my sanity too much! I know I am not the only one who has an awkward situation, and I won't be the last!

I want you to find positive friends, and if they cherish you, they will invite you to their home in times like these. There are people who never went to foster care and was abused by family, and cannot go home for the holidays (in order to keep their sanity)...that is ok..If you are a true friend you will never judge them or try to get them to "get over it"...or go back and "hangout" with their abusers..No one should ever be violated or forced to hang out with a person that destroyed their childhood innocence!! 

This is VERY important for my readers to know when it comes to why people you think" have family are not going home, (besides the basic 20 somethings who are too busy enjoying life to go home) :) there are those who left their family for a reason! Don't meddle in their business, unless they tell you, just understand and provide an alternative for the holidays!!

God made us all to love each other when we are down, who will you help for the holiday?? Bring food to the pantry, open your home to someone who has no family (if you trust them in your home):) (i am NOT saying invite someone displaying multiple personality's in your home or Charles Manson!!!)lol..

I am saying if you have a friend that never goes anywhere for the holiday....and he/she is NOT the Grinch...invite them to share and see how a family loves, respects and eat together on the holidays!!xo

have a great day - know that you are loved, special and needed in this world!!!

Tanya

Hi blog family!

I know - its been a while but u can catch me at fosterkidsunite blog!!

So The Penn State Coach has finally gotten what he deserved for hurting children- LIFE!! He has so many counts, he won't be able to count his way out of jail!!

I am praying for all the victims!!

I am covering this story to tell you one thing:

When someone is hurting you - TELL, TELL TELL!!!

Never keep a secret with ANYONE who is touching you in the wrong place, starring at you in a bad way or making you do things YOU know are not right... Abusers always say the will kill you' or kill your family....so far NONE of them have told the truth!!

They will do anything to keep you trusting them and doing what they want!!!

If you know someone who is hurting you in any way- tell someone like a teacher, counselor or police..they are mandated reporters and have to tell the proper authority's!!

I am the victim of a child abusers, they never got caught for my abuse but one did serve 7 years for molesting his 4 year old niece in law- who told when she was 11!!

 I am proud of her for telling, even though no one believed her until the police did, they even got a confession!! Now thanks to her many kids will not meet the fate of this awful monster!!

 The other abuser was killed violently...:)..sorry but he basically ruined my trust  life..and I was lucky to get an apology...(rare for victims)...I can forgive BUT never forget...one was a sexual predator on weaker younger kids, the other used me as a sex slave for years..and was an alcoholic!!

You must always tell so others won't get hurt and if they do...you did your part!

Never feel shame, it is not your fault

Never feel guilty, you did NOTHING wrong!!

Never keep a secret, secrets turn into addiction, homicide, suicide and self hurt...

YOU deserve to live a healthy loving, pain free life!!!  You are loved, special and needed!!!

xo

Tanya

from victim to victor!

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: Hi Blog family!! Honoring a great Woman today!! ...

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE:

Hi Blog family!!
Honoring a great Woman today!! ...: Hi Blog family!! Honoring a great Woman today!! I woke up saying what is on my heart and being thankful for great leaders!! (the ones ...

This is the Day!

Hi blog family- PARENTS - PLEASE SHARE WITH YOUR KIDS!

It has been a while but life, is always happening, even when were busy! lol

Have you ever had a great idea but did not act on it?

Ask yourself why?

Did you need a contact name, money, materials?

 Why did you not act on it when the idea was fresh?

Often we can sabotage ourselves by NOT acting on an idea!

We are all creative and have the ability to create a million dollar idea....but not many of us act on it. When I say us, yes, those who grew up in any home and were NOT encourage to follow through on an idea.

I say we all have a 6th sense" when you know something is right or wrong...

many of us are taught to suppress this feeling very young and when we get older....the concept...."no faith" in our ideas has taken place....it has become embedded, thanks to family, no family, negative people, places and things...everything teaches you NOT to follow your instinct...especially if you were in a group home, (not knowing you likely have a better "instinct" than anyone)...because you had to use it to stay away from bad people!!....

Not many kids in group home settings are encouraged to try new things and not be afraid to be different...example:" if i said in a group home: "I'm gonna be a superstar in TV one day" ....most kids and other would laugh or say "Yea right"!!

But Eddie Murphy, Mariah Carey, Pit Bull, Kerry Washington, DMX, Oprah....(OK Oprah was not a Foster kid but she had some comparisons....)

think of this: 

MANY survivors of Holocaust/Slavery/famine/AIDS epidemic etc... were orphaned and many in parts of Africa...8 million are today!!! 

 It was DMC from Run DMC that said at an event we spoke at years ago...."Jesus" was an orphan!!!

 Its not what you are or where your at!!....its where are you going and what are you doing to get there!!

Everyone has divine purpose, yours may not be the same as mine! That is why you must follow through with YOUR talent, gifts and ideas!!!!

You may save or change a life one day!" (that is my quote from my   brother Rob that passed.....)

the names above were said to have been in foster care at some point in their lives....they all  knew they would make it one day...because they followed an inner voice...instinct"!!! They are not perfect" but they have all contributed to the world through film, singing acting and activism- you can't beat that for a foster kid!!!

WE ALL HAVE IT!!!! God made us ALL special, some just choose to Not be anything GREAT- we choose mediocre....or "OK"...You chose that, you were not born 'OK" you were born to be great! Something happened along the way to divert you - its OK...get back on your path of greatness!!!! TODAY!!!

We may "think" of a great idea....but it will be just a thought......

You cannot get to your dream without taking chances!! Think of a million dollar idea, Paint the next Picasso, invent a new product, write the next manuscript...

Get Out meet people in the field you WANT to be in!!

Join groups on Linkdin/FB/YOUTUBE and other sites that give you advice on the talent, skill or idea you are trying to develop!

Remember failure is not an option!!

When you don't act on something......nothing will come of that great idea!

Paint that picture you always dreamed of..

write that script you have in your head for a blockbuster movie!

Meet new friends that share your interest, take a class at the local college if you need to...

invent something new you think the world needs.

Don't let not having materials, money or even connections stop you! There is always some action you could take: write it down, find a mentor, use alternative to make a prototype, (until you get what you need)

Whatever you have been dreaming to do, to make to be.....start today, this is the day created just for you!!

Smile, someone is watching you....:)

Tanya

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: Matter of Fact Monday 05/14 by tlbethel | Blog Tal...

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: Matter of Fact Monday 05/14 by tlbethel | Blog Tal...: Matter of Fact Monday 05/14 by tlbethel | Blog Talk Radio Me interviewing with Tommy!! May is National foster care awareness month..come ou...

Happy Mothers Day!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL! DO BETTER THAN YOUR PARENTS BY LOVING UNCONDITIONALLY, TEACHING, RESPECT TO OTHERS AND SELF AND TEACH YOUR KIDS TO LOVE LIFE! XO TANYA

May 18th celebration reminder

come out and celebrate National Foster Care awareness month! You will hear how you can help save or change the life of a kid in foster care!
Smile, you may save or change a life! Tanya

Words from Tony Robbins on Own...

Hi blog family!

I like to give credit when do AND if someone else can say something to save or change your life........I let them speak and share what they say!

Tony Robbins is a brilliant man who gets "how to live and enjoy life".... I got this from Oprah's own, (forgive me O) lol... but good stuff must be shared!!! enjoy!!

The life coach and host of Breakthrough with Tony Robbins believes in living a passionate life, a life in which fear is a counselor, not a jailer. Here, he shows us how to "step up" during our most intimidating moments:

1. Don't Turn an Excuse into an Identity
We need be careful of how we label ourselves, for example, saying "I'm an fearful person" or "I'm a weak person" or "I'm not a strong person." Usually that label comes from your current or past behavior, but once the label becomes a part of you, it starts to control you. So what I try to get people to understand is: Hey, you're not broken. You don't need to be fixed. You don't need a label. All you need to do is say, "I have to decide how I want to be now going forward."

2. Develop a Habit 
Courage is not the absence of fear. That idea is the biggest b.s. in the world. Fear is impossible to eradicate. If you were completely fearless, you'd be dead. People who are courageous are scared to the core—they just make themselves go forward anyway; they make themselves take some kind of action. Taking action, even though you're afraid, is how you become courageous—because courage, like fear, is a habit. The more you do it, the more you do it, and this habit—of stepping up, of taking action—more than anything else, will move you in a different direction.

3. Let Your Body Lead the Way 
Taking that action for the first time can be pretty rough. When it comes time to give the speech to the committee or snowboard down the mountain, don't hesitate. Don't start to analyze it. The longer you stand there, the harder it gets, because then your mind gets involved. If your challenge is mental, use your body. If it's in the body, use your body more aggressively. At 17 years old, I was on my own, sleeping in a laundry room. I had no idea what to do. I was so depressed. Fear is physically debilitating. I had to defeat it. So I made myself run until I thought I was going to spit up blood. I got stronger in my body, which, in turn gave me mental strength. 

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Tony-Robbins-How-to-Live-Courageously#ixzz1qqF2l66z

where would we be withot your kid?

Hi blog family!

ask yourself and your kids:

Where would this world be without you? 

Someone would be less, 

could see less, 

be less,

could be gone, had you not come along.....

hold on, keep faith..

the next time you think of hurting yourself or giving up,

 hold on, 

hold out, 

we need you!!

All things change all the time!!!

Smile, someone is watching you - you may save or change a life!! lol...

Tanya

Spell Check TEMPORARILY - How-to-Spell.net

learning how to spell is essential!!

after FB and BMM on the blackberry, some, myself included, could use this site.. learn how to spell and check your work...i am working on this myself!!

Have a blessed day, be kind to everyone you meet, you may save or change a life!! :)

Tanya

Spell Check TEMPORARILY - How-to-Spell.net

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year!!

Hi blog family!

Happy New Year to all my blog readers!!!! We did it! Another year! WOW!

For your foster kids, ask them: So you made it into a new year!!
 Congratulations for staying strong and NEVER giving up!!

 Now is the time for you to reassess what YOU need to do NOW to make THIS year BETTER than last and more productive!! 
Take that singing class, write your first poem or script, record that album, start your new business, find your new mate or friends,
find your talent and gifts - and let them guide you to your greatness!!!!

xo
Tanya