EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: down but not out

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: down but not out: hey blog family! I have no power so i will be back by the end of the week.-i am at McDoalds charging my phone and computer...great place t...

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: down but not out

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: down but not out: hey blog family! I have no power so i will be back by the end of the week.-i am at McDoalds charging my phone and computer...great place t...

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: group home vs foster home life..are you ready?

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: group home vs foster home life..are you ready?: Hi blog family! I am blessed to live and see another day-especially after all this evacuating saturday for sunday's storm...lol...(i think...

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: abusive relationships

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: abusive relationships: Hi blog family! I saw that a young lady was gunned down by her baby's father yesterday and thought i should go over relationships-one more...

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: Negative people, places and things

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: Negative people, places and things: Hi blog family! I will be short today. Have you experience people that ALWAYS have something negative to say? Are you a person that ALW...

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: wishing for a family years after care?

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: wishing for a family years after care?: Hi blog family! La mia Famiglia! my family! Meine famille! ma famille! mijn famille!mnha familia!MOR cembeR! Since my brothers death, the...

Salute to all foster and adoptive parents

SPECIAL THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE FOSTER OR ADOPTED KIDS, YOUR WORK IS NOTED AND APPRECIATED!! XO TANYA

“A PIECE OF MY STORY” by Tanya Cooper

August 13, 2011

No part is to be reprinted without permission from the author

I’d like to thank all of you, 

for allowing me to share in your celebration of foster and adoptive parents.

 I know all to well the impact a great foster parent can have on a child not only reaching independence - that part is easy, just turning 21 gives you independent status- The real test is once your kids are on their your own: knowing how to navigate life when storms come and how to enjoy life- even in the middle of a storm! 

I will share a piece of my story with you and a brief memory of one of the best days of my life! The 1st day i meet my foster mother! 

I remember a policeman and a CPS worker knocking on our door when i was 5 yrs. old. I vaguely remember being moved around to a couple of different group homes in NYC.

My memory starts to become clear when my case got transferred to Westchester County in  the early 1970’s. My mother was a heroin addict and alcoholic, who often lost track of time: hours, days, weeks, months would pass! 

My sister became our mother when she was 5 years old! When we had no lights or food, my sister would comfort us and find a loaf of bread. One time, she snuck us out of the apt to get fresh air, I fell off a swing and needed stitches under my eye, she had someone call the ambulance, while she had her street friends find my mother first, so that no one would know we were outside alone. 

When we needed a hug because we missed mommy, my she would wrap her loving arms around us, until we forgot about mom not being home.

when a curtain caught on fire - because my  brother discovered matches, my sister put the fire out! 

When my brother Rob and I had chicken pox- it was my sister rubbing calamine lotion on us!

 There were many times we should have been in a foster home or could have starved to death, but by the grace of God - we were always protected from harm.

We would see our mother every now and then but eventually due to her addiction- she stopped showing up - my sister also got tired of playing mommy around 8 yrs. old.  

She knew she could love us but she could no longer  keep us feed and safe! Cps was called in and my mother  would later lose her rights, her 4 kids and her battle with addiction! I am grateful to her for knowing she did not have the tools to care for us. It was my foster mother that made me understand, sometimes, your parents are only a vehicle to get you here- 

My memory becomes very clear when I think of the 1st time I meet my foster mother- who was a widow with one adopted son and 2 foster boys at the time she got

my brother and I -  BUT later would meet and marry my favorite man, my foster father!

 I was 7 years old and It was the 1970‘s - We were living at a large group home facility and it was a special day because foster parents would come visit and choose a child to take home-now that style is outdated but i share this story for a reason. 

I was in the gym with many other kids running & playing. I remember I was with my sister and my brother Rob. 

Everyone was playing, laughing, running but me! I was excited that someone may “choose” me to go to a real home! I wore a pretty yellow dress that was way to small because that was all that could be found for me.  Even though it was not my size, it was the 1st dress I owned!! 

I was able to to be grateful very early because I knew previously, I wore the same clothes for months, 

  I thought hard that day in the gym while I waited to find a new home. 

because I had moved around to a few of different places, I knew then, I did not like this “group home life, accept for the fact that; there was always food and i was with my siblings.  

In the group home the kids appeared to run  reckless, a lot of them seemed angry and there was no structure or anyone to give me a hug or guidance. 

As i stood in the gym that summer day, I noticed my baby brother running, smiling and checking back with me every few minutes. 

My sister was in eye sight with her new friends. My brother  Rob ran over and looked up at me and said: “Sis - you think we’ll find a home?” I said: “yes,, and I am not going unless you and T come- keep smiling, maybe someone will notice us” My baby brother had an infectious smile, so I knew if anyone walked in that we” liked, and they saw him, we would have a home!

 I remember the sun literally shinning on me when a beautiful woman, well dressed walked in the gym! My brother Rob came over and gave me a look that said: “she’s the one”.

I don’t know how i knew, but i knew that was going to be my new mommy! She walked past all the kids, straight to Rob and and I, she looked down with a smile and said: “why look at you with your beautiful auburn afro- your about the prettiest little girl i have seen and I want a daughter- would you want to live with me?” I remember she smelled so good, (I would later find out Chanel #5) she had on the nicest clothes I ever saw!

BUT- I wasn’t going without T and Rob. I said to her: “I can’t go, unless you bring my sister and brothers”! 

My sister came around us; observing, listening, contemplating, using her street smart skills to decide if this woman was worth us being separated!

I was excited but scared- they warned us most people like babies, they will not take 2 kids, must less 4! We couldn’t leave baby mark! 

My sister called us over then the worker called my sister over to speak private- they always talked to her first. It was because of her street smarts we had not starved to death! 

So we did not do anything in the group home, without her approval!

 Waiting for an answer, my soon to be foster mother started telling me about her “big House” and how I would have my very own room! BUT she also said: she could only take two of us and that my sister and baby Mark could visit anytime!  I told her”no thanks” but then my sister stepped in and with a sad but convincing face said: Tanya, listen, you and Rob need a home, I will be alright, i promise I will come and see you”. While I was sad to leave my sister behind, i knew i wasn’t cut out for group home life. I was excited Rob and I now had a home and a new mommy!!

I share this story  because I am grateful to all the foster parents who share their home, their family and there time!

Raising someone else's children after neglect, abuse or abandonment is a challenge and you all here today that take the time to invest in our foster children deserve to be honored! Not just for “taking a kid”- anyone can do that- but for nurturing them back to mental and physical health, for unconditional love with hugs and providing constant words of encouragement-even when you were told they had a disability!

My life would not be the same had my foster mother not listened to her inner voice, that told her, yes, you have 3 kids but 2 more needs extra love!!

I know it was no easy task loving an angry teen but my foster mother knew I was hurt that my birth mom never came back for us. She knew because she had lost both of her parents when she was young, being raised by her grandfather! So when I rebelled and acted out as a teen for many reasons, she put on what I call “mom repellent” and challenged me to excel!!

When the doctors tried to give me a title of learning challenges and ADD, ADHD, my foster mother insisted i stay focused and channel my energy with: sports, singing in the church choir, dancing, ballet, camp, after-school activities - so that I would not become bored! Thanks to my patient, loving foster mother, I eventually got new letters - My B.A.S. from N.Y.U!!

I learned from my foster mother that a foster parent is “called” into this field for the love of helping others- even if its temporary you can have an impact! 

This is not a job you do “just for a check” because all kids will make you work for every penny!

A foster parent has a vision a goal for their child. They are able to meet the child where they are at, because their parenting instincts tell them: when their child; “IS” or IS NOT”, ABLE”, ON POINT or IN TROUBLE!”

I am here today, living proof that foster care does work if a child gets the right home- a home that teaches them, like my foster mother taught me, “I am responsible for my future and can never feel sorry for myself or lose faith in hard times!

 My mother held us to high standards and she had many requirements. 

We were blessed to have 6 tv’s in our house, but you could only watch certain shows - on one tv - together as a family and you HAD to read books and newspapers daily in order to watch a tv show in my house! 

One of my birth brothers was dyslexic but my mom did not care, she made him read and write every morning and afternoon! 

I became the best speller because when i got a word wrong, she made me rewrite it 10 times!! My mother never allowed  excuses for failure. There was no such thing as “you can’t” or “I give up” and the only title you had in her home was “my  child”!

In conclusion:

when I aged out at 21, I had good times and hard times but I always bounced back because of the values and faith my foster parents taught me!

 i am so grateful my parents insisted on the basics, I learned patience and that not everything happens or comes together, without , a vision, a written plan, hard work and thought!!

most importantly, my parents took the time to find out what each of  our God given talents and purpose were,  she told us daily: “We all have divine purpose”: My foster parents believed kids with alot of energy should be busy with ; dancing, drawing, singing, inventing things, writing stories, listening, talking, -

 your foster child has a special gift or talent that was given to them  - it is crucial you find out what “IT” is, and focus their energy on that”! 

  through  my gifts of speaking, i have been able to help children labeled with ADD- ADHD and behavior problems focus their energy and reach their potential!  -  By the way- all those other titles we label kids with; its just UNFOCUSED energy! It can be channelled to do good-  thanks to my foster parents, I am living proof! 

Thank you!

Westchester County Saving Tax Dollars by Teaming Up With 2-1-1

Hi blog parents! If you are ever in need of information regarding services in Westchester County, please read this. Information is key to surviving anything!

Westchester County Saving Tax Dollars by Teaming Up With 2-1-1

allowing kids to trust

Hi parents!!

I hope your kids are enjoying the end of the summer! Museums, biking, hiking, boating, art, whatever keeps them busy and introduces them to new people, places and things..
Wanted to touch on relationships today.
Remember if your kid came from a home where they were left..aka abandoned...please address this issue one on one and then IF you can with the family, letting them know that each of you will be around and that not everyone leaves for good.
If your kid is temporary, that is fine, you can still teach them to enjoy WHEREVER they are at and appreciate the time they have with whatever family they are with.
Let them know (if possible) they can keep in touch with IM, FB, SKype (secret account just for you with agency approval of course):) 
 I think it would be less difficult and stressful for teens, if there are ways to keep in touch, even after a kid is gone.
It helped me alot to know I had an option of calling or going home IF I needed a check in place, I still keep in touch with my friends since my 2nd foster home when I was 7!
My foster mother taught me to build lasting relationships because she knew, she would not always be here-and she was right!! Knowing how to have healthy relationships is vital for foster kids, even if they leave the town they may do like I did and go back, having built good relations-they can find jobs, give back to that community..so many possiblities!!
 Teach your kids that not all people leave and it is the relationships they build now--no matter how many times they move--that matter!!
With all the new technology, fb, IM, skype, etc... there is no reason a kid cannot keep in touch with someone they really like in a healthy way... just monitor the situation and teach them how to keep relationships near or far!!

have a great Friday and you are blessed for doing the work you do, thank you for caring for our children!!xo Tanya

Man Found Guilty Of Raping Girl - New Hampshire News Story - WMUR New Hampshire

Man Found Guilty Of Raping Girl - New Hampshire News Story - WMUR New Hampshire

never trust your kids to anyone- even in the church, i know of many cases like this!! Teach them to Tell, Tell, Tell and never to be ashamed!! It is the only way to avoid being a victim and If they were it is the only way to heal, honesty and talk without judgment or parents who don't believe them or try to cover it up!!

Have a great day! I don't like sharing bad info but this is not to be covered up, beleive me if they are coming from a home with drugs or neglect and abuse, they may have knowledge of this subject anyway...you stay in control by letting them know they can talk to you and that you will advocate for them, not a church or bad family member/friend!! and please be careful WHO you leave to babysit, woman and men can be perverts...I know plenty of men who was abused by there "moms" best friend, while they babysat!! sad part is...none of the parents know what there friends did 30 years later.....and those boys are now men who drink way too much and don't trust much...can u blame them...

What is Your gift?

Hi blog foster & adoptive parents!!

When it comes to the mind of our children, we start early instilling positive affirmations and dreams so that they donot get scared of facing their gifts and talent and they donot take them for granite!

I found a quote that went with my theme today... 

this quote is by: Stacey A. Maxwell-Krockenberger

What brings you pure joy? 


What do you look forward too? 


Your Purpose is usually hidden in your creative talents & doing


 the things that make you truly happy. 


For those who still may not know what that is; do something


 different today that you've always wanted to do or love to do. 


If it ignites all of your senses and brings laughter chances are 


your purpose could be within it! What are you effortlessly good


 at?


this is a great thought to ask your kids  today:  Have them write it out or by now if


 your kid has been with you more than 6 months - to one year, you should have 


already seen 


what talents or gifts they bring to this world...something they do better than any 


other kid...and you did not show them!!


mother's are usually the first to spot



it!! nurture it...and do everything to make that talent become a money 


maker...(ie..sports, singing, writing, dancing etc....)...find out what your child's God 


given


talents are, it should be effortless for them, while others have to


 practice for years...singing, dancing, writing, 


art...numbers...building....most celebs became just that 


because they followed their 1st love....Bill gates, Oprah, 


Forbes, Edris Elbis, Haley Barry...they are no "accidents" they


 worked hard and followed dreams...and with help, support and love of a foster 


parent....they  can too!! * their dream, not your wish or dream... if you are not doing


 what you were born to do, (and 80% of the world is not)....you become misarable 


and project that on others...look at all the mean bosses!! I believe the "Rich" are 


rich and in the 8% because they are doing what they love...(no matter how evil or


 how they may have obtained it- they are doing what they love...why should foster 


kids miss out on life and settle" for whatever is handed to them?? Teach them,


 without being greedy or evil, how to want and expect more from life and money


 does buy comfort and the fact that you can really ENJOY life if you have money 


and follow your dreams!!



life is more fun...when your doing what u love!!! You are 


special and divine for loving someone elses child, you will be blessed beyond 


measure!!


xo


Tanya

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: The book is ready on createspace!!

EX FOSTER KIDS UNITE: The book is ready on createspace!!: "Hi blog family! SURVIVING FOSTER CARE AND MAKING IT WORK FOR YOU ! click link to book or purchase at: www.createspace.com/3587372 ..."